


everyone needs a place

by ohmcgee



Series: ohmcgee's mallverse [64]
Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Retail, Gen, M/M, Moving On, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-03 23:09:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14579649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmcgee/pseuds/ohmcgee
Summary: People fell in love every day, all the time, for good reasons and sometimes for no reason at all.





	everyone needs a place

Sometimes, Jason realized, two people could be so in love that they couldn't see all the reasons they shouldn’t be. He realized that love wasn't some once in a lifetime, soulmates till death do you part kind of thing, not always. People fell in love every day, all the time, for good reasons and sometimes for no reason at all. It could simply be the way someone’s hair smelled when they brushed by you on the subway or the way they smiled at a homeless person on the way to work. It could be the way they fucked you like they could live off of your body alone, like you were all that they wanted, all that they needed. That, Jason had also realized, was probably when the warning signs should have gone off.

When Bruce had come into his life, everything else almost got pushed into the background. And Bruce, Bruce made him his world. He told him this a dozen times a day sometimes and Jason loved it, honestly. No one had ever made him feel so needed or so loved, no one had ever spent hours touching and kissing every inch of his body, whispering promises and declarations that always felt like too much, even then, against his skin.

When he was with Bruce, Jason thought everything had finally made sense, but now that he was away from all of it, he felt like he could see clearly for once. The fog of amazing sex and codependency disguised as passion had clouded everything up, almost made him forget who he was. And honestly, it wasn’t even anyone’s fault. Bruce wasn’t _bad_ because he loved so hard and so intensely. He wasn't a jerk for never getting over his first love. He hadn't manipulated Jason or taken him away from his friends or his life. No, the hardest thing for Jason to accept was that sometimes, it was as simple as this: broken people find broken people.

Jason had wanted to be loved and Bruce, Bruce just needed someone to give his love to. The only problem with that, of course, was that that love was never really meant for him.

“Hi,” the receptionist behind the desk said to Jason as he approached. “What can I help you with?”

“Oh, I’m here to see the uh...Mrs. Waller? About financial aid?”

“Do you have an appointment?”

“Yeah, two o’clock,” Jason told her and she nodded.

“She should be right with you then.”

Jason thanked her, then he took a seat, flipping through magazines as students and professors shuffled in and out of the offices. He’d never officially dropped out of school and he’d only missed a couple of classes while he was being an idiot over Bruce, so Roy and Tim had encouraged him to try to get everything sorted out.

_“You gonna let him fuck this up?”_ Roy had said, echoing a similar pep talk he’d given Jason once, only that time it had been about Dick. It had made Jason realize that he did have a nasty habit of fucking himself over in the name of love. So, he made an appointment with the financial aid advisor as soon as he could, and here he was. Waiting. Praying to every God he could remember that he hadn’t fucked this up too.

“Terry, I’m very sorry,” a short black woman said as she walked out of her office. “But as I've said before, our hands are tied. I wish there was something else we could do, but--”

“You can’t, yeah. You’ve said that a few times. I just think ---”

“Now, I have another appointment,” the woman said sternly and the student she was talking to huffed and threw his hands up.

“Hope you have better luck than I did,” he muttered under his breath as he walked by.

“Jason, right?” The woman said, turning to him with a smile on her face. “Come in and let’s see what we can do.”

  


:::

  


Bruce sat on the edge of the pool, smoking the last of the cigarettes Jay had left and drinking a beer, legs dangling in the cool water. He wasn’t thinking about anything particular -- or maybe couldn’t was the word. He couldn’t think of anything particular, other than the giant hole inside of him. Every day he woke up and the spot on the bed beside him was empty and cold, every time he called the treatment center only to be told that Harvey still wasn't taking his calls, that hole grew bigger.

Bruce sighed and took another pull from his beer as he realized he’d have to go back to work tomorrow. He’d already taken a week off, faking the flu just to mope around his house and drink until he couldn’t feel anything, but he knew he couldn’t keep doing this. He had a job to go to, a son to take care of, bills to pay. Bruce knew he couldn’t afford to fall apart anymore, even if the rest of his life was.

When his phone rang on the table behind him, he almost ignored it. But after the fourth ring, he sighed and reached back for it, swiping across the screen with his dry hand and setting it on the concrete next to him.

“Bruce Wayne.”

“Hey, Bruce.”

Bruce’s heart skipped a beat. Maybe more. The hand holding the half empty bottle was starting to shake. It was the first time Jay had spoken to him since --- since he left. He had been over to get his things, but he’d done so when he knew Bruce wouldn’t be home. He’d even picked Damian up from school once and gone to one of the games Bruce wasn’t able to take off for. But this was the first time he’d spoken to him in weeks and Bruce was overwhelmed with feelings he couldn’t put a name too.

“Hi,” was all he managed to get out.

“I’m outside,” Jason said. “Of your house. Is it okay if I come in?”

Bruce swallowed thickly, his heart pounding in his chest now, so loud he had a ridiculous, paranoid moment where he thought Jay might be able to hear it over the phone. “Jay,” he breathed out, then caught himself before everything he’d wanted to say started to uncontrollably spill out. “Of course. Yes. Come in.”

“Kay,” Jason said, then hung up the phone.

Bruce stood up out of the pool and buttoned up his shirt. He knew he looked like hell and no amount of running his fingers through his hair was going to hide the smell of alcohol or the three day stubble lining his jaw, but he did the best he could.

He met Jason in the living room and as soon as he saw him, Bruce’s voice, his coherent thoughts, all of those things left him momentarily. Jason looked good. He looked really good. Better than he did, obviously, but more importantly, better than Bruce had seen him in a while, and it tugged at a place inside of Bruce that was already close to unraveling.

“Have a seat,” he finally said, motioning to the couch.

Then, for a few moments, neither of them said anything. It was awkward, but more than that, it was painful. In that moment, Bruce was hit by a wave of sudden realization. Jay wasn’t there to get back together. 

“How are you?” He asked, if only to keep his mouth preoccupied. He was afraid of the things he would say if he didn’t.

“I’m good,” Jason said earnestly. “I got approved for financial aid, so I don’t have to quit now.”

“Jay,” Bruce frowned, “you know I would have --”

Jay held his hand up, stopping him. “Don’t. Please.”

Bruce nodded.

“I’m working back at the store again too,” Jason picked up where he left off. “It’s weird without Roy there. And Steph. She took off with Dinah for a while. I miss her, but it’s pretty cool having the apartment to myself for once.” He fidgeted with a hole in his shirt, then looked up. “How are you?”

“I’m ---” Fine? It seemed pointless to lie when Jason could very plainly see that he was not. “I miss you.”

Jason swallowed and diverted his eyes. “I miss you too,” he murmured _,_ looking over at the picture frames on the mantle. “I miss this stupid big house and the expensive sheets you insist on buying and listening to you sing in the shower at six in the morning.”

Something tight clenched around Bruce’s heart because he already knew the answer to his next question. “Then why don't you come home?”

“Because,” Jay said, sighing and leaning back against the couch. “Because I think. I think Harvey was right.”

“What --”

“Only, I don't think he really understood what he was saying at the time. And I don't think you understand what you're doing.”

Bruce’s brows knit together. “And what am I doing?”

“You're trying to fill a hole,” Jay said matter-of-factly. Bruce had always kind of loved that about him, but he wasn't sure that was the case any longer. “You've been trying to ever since Harvey left you the first time, I think.”

Bruce swallowed and closed his eyes briefly. Jason’s words felt like a kick to the gut, but he knew they only felt that way because they were so close to the truth. Bruce had had a lot of time to think lately and during that time he had thought about their first date, how Jason with his punk rock hair and chili dogs and thrift store clothes had reminded him so much of Harvey. He’d never told Jason that, of course, because he knew exactly how it would sound. He honestly hadn't even seen anything wrong with the comparison at the time. But now. Now everything was starting to move into place and make sense. Bruce never thought clarity could hurt so much.

“I don't hate you, by the way,” Jason continued, drawing Bruce out of his self-deprecating thoughts. “I think maybe I was trying to fill a hole too. I think we just...I think we’re a little bit damaged, Bruce. Me and you. Hell, maybe everyone is. And maybe we don't know what we want and what we had was so intense and burned so bright that...that it was easier to pretend that it was what we wanted than admit the truth.”

“Jay,” Bruce started. “I’m so --”

“I went to see Harvey.”

Bruce felt a brief, hot flame of anger at that, the fact that Harvey would talk to Jason, but not him. He wanted to hold onto that anger because at least it was less pathetic than moping around and feeling sorry for himself, but he couldn’t stay angry at Jason. He’d never been able to. There was no reason for that to change now.  

“I wanted him to know I didn’t blame him for anything. I don’t think I ever got to say that.”

Bruce sighed and scrubbed at the stubble on his face. “You are being ridiculously mature about all of this.”

“Someone has to.” The corner of Jason's mouth turned up into a smile. “He looks really good, by the way.”

“Why are you telling me all of this?” Bruce asked. Of course he wanted to know. What had been killing him more than not being able to talk to  or see Harvey was the fact that he didn’t even know how he was, if he was even okay. So, if all he could get was some secondhand information, he’d definitely take it over nothing. He just didn't understand why Jason was doing this. Any of this.

“Because I care about you.” Jason shrugged. "Because I know how much you care about him. He’s doing really well. They’ve helped him out a lot. I think he’s almost done with the program.”

“Yes, well.” Bruce said. He knew it was selfish, but he didn’t want to think about that right now. He knew as soon as Harvey got out of treatment he’d just disappear again and Bruce wouldn’t see him again for years, if ever. It made his chest hurt just thinking about it, the emptiness clawing at the hole inside of him, making it bigger. One day, Bruce thought, it was going to get big enough to swallow him up.

“He’s terrified of you, Bruce,” Jason said to him, softly. “But he loves you. I think that’s the one constant he’s always had, you know? You just...need to give him some time.”

After Jason left, Bruce had stayed in the same spot, nursing a beer and thinking over everything he’d said. Sometimes, Bruce thought he had already given Harvey enough time. Sometimes it felt like he’d given him his entire life. But no, eventually he had to admit to himself that there truly was no limit to what he would do for Harvey.

And that maybe he was a little terrified too.

  


:::

  


“So you’re just gonna, like, be _friends_?” Dick asked on the other end of the phone as Jason walked to his next class. “Isn’t that weird?”

“I hear it’s what adults do,” Jason said, hitching his backpack strap higher on his shoulder. “I mean, it’s not like Bruce is going to make the cupcakes Damian’s team likes with all their numbers on them, you know?”

“Right,” Dick said. “But I mean, you guys broke up. That’s not really your problem anymore.”

“It wasn’t my _problem_ before, asshole,” Jason told him. “Look. Me and Bruce are cool. I know it’s hard for you to process, but just trust me. We were together for a long time. I’m not just gonna disappear on Damian like that.”

“Yeah,” Dick said. “Sometimes I forget how much of a good person you are.”

“Sometimes you forget your own name,” Jason snorted and dodged a football some assholes were tossing around. “But hey, I gotta go to class. Talk to you later.”

“Later!” Dick shouted into the phone and Jason put his on silent before slipping into his Statistics class.

School had actually been going pretty well, maybe even better than when he was living with Bruce since he had less distractions now. With Steph out of town, he had the whole apartment to himself to spread his books out everywhere and listen to the Beastie Boys as loud as he wanted. At work, he’d sit at Dickie’s desk when he was on break and get ahead on his reading and homework. So far, he'd managed to pull his gpa up from a 2.7 to a 3.1 and he finally decided on a major. 

When class was over, Jason shoved his book in his bag and threw it over his shoulder, stopping short before he left the room. In the corner, almost unnoticeable, was a kid hunched over inside their hoodie, totally snoring. Jason walked down the aisle, then poked the kid a couple of times to wake him up. It's what he'd want someone to do for him.

“The War of 1812,” the kid mumbled, popping his head up, and Jason tried really, really hard to hold back his laughter.

“Uh,” he said. “Wrong class, dude.”

The hood fell away from the kid’s face when he sat up and Jason realized two things. One, that he’d seen him before. He was the guy getting kicked out of the financial aid office the day Jason had his appointment. And two, how fucking _pretty_ he was. Seriously, Jason literally had to force himself to stop staring.

“Oh no,” the guy said as he woke up and reality started to sink in. “I fell asleep again, didn’t I? Shit. Shit. Shit. Did I miss much?”

“Depends.” Jason said." What’s the last thing you remember?”

“The tattoo that the girl who sat in front of me had right above her --”

“Right,” Jason laughed. “You’re fucked.”

The kid -- he wasn't really, but it’s what Jason had a tendency to call anyone more than six months younger than him -- groaned and buried his head in his hands.

“Uh. Terry, right?” Jason asked, remembering that’s what the financial aid advisor had called him as she kicked him out of her office. Terry nodded, face still covered with his hands. “I got notes. We can go get copies made at the library, if you want?”

Terry took his hands away from his face to look up at him and Jason noticed a fleck of glitter on his cheek. It glinted underneath the fluorescent lights in the classroom, drawing even more attention to cheekbones sharp enough to cut someone with. Once again, Jason has to force himself to look away.

“That would be awesome,” Terry grinned and hopped out of his seat. “You were in the student aid office when I was there the other day. Right? Man. That was not my best day ever.”

Jason gave a small laugh. “Yeah, well. I was there to beg for money so my rich, middle-aged ex didn’t keep paying for it like a weirdo. No judgments here.”

Terry grinned again and slipped his backpack on. “So, what’s your name, sugar baby?”

“Ha,” Jason flipped him off. “I'm just going by Jason these days.”

“Jason,” Terry repeated, like he was trying to make sure he remembered it. Then he reached out and tugged at the random streak Jason had put in his hair last night. It was supposed to be silver, but it mostly just looked white except for under certain lights. Dickie had already started calling him Flower. “Jason with the cool hair.”

“Yeah, okay,” Jason said, the back of his neck feeling warm. “Terry with the drool in the corner of his mouth.”

“Asshole,” Terry scowled and shoved him into a bush. "Wait, do I really?”

As they headed towards the library, Jason found that he couldn’t stop smiling. It wasn't because of Terry, really. He was funny and all, but he'd only known him for like five minutes. No, Jason thought it was that for once in his life, he felt like he was where he was supposed to be. He felt lighter, happier in a way that he had never really felt with Bruce. Never felt with anyone. Instead of being consumed with intense feelings he couldn't even put a name to, he felt...content.

For the first time, Jason realized he didn't need someone else to validate his happiness. Despite everything, he’d figured it out all on his own. He was really, truly happy, and knowing that _he_ was the one responsible for it was a better feeling than all the crazy sex and passionate declarations in the world. It was _real._

And it was fucking terrifying.

But, Jason realized, as he took his phone out of his back pocket and saw that he had three missed calls from Dick, a video of Lian singing _Umbrella_ from Tim, and a Facebook invite from M for book club, he wasn't alone. He had friends who would always be there for him, no matter what.

And that made everything a little less scary.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So, I have two short epilogues to post after this -- one focused on Jason and one on Bruce -- but I guess I'm considering this the last official mallverse post. 
> 
> Um. I'm emotional? Thanks for going on this ride, guys. It's been wild. The idea for mallverse was a drunken cracky au prompt that started out as simple, trashy vignettes and slowly became this monstrous, complex thing with character growth and a huge cast and navigating tricky relationships and mental illness and so much more. It came to really mean something to me because I put some of myself into each character I wrote. Tim's big middle finger to gender norms, Jason's jealousy, Roy's bad habit of falling and falling hard. They all have a little bit of myself poured into them, as I'm sure most writers could say about the characters they write. So it is truly hard for me to let them go. But if these dummies can learn to move on, so can I. :p
> 
> Now, I am fairly certain not everyone will love the way I have chosen to wrap this verse up and you are absolutely allowed to scream at me for it. (Pls don't actually scream at me. I'm delicate.) All I can say is that I thought about it. A lot. For a long time. Probably more than is actually sane. And this is what I felt best reflected what this verse has come to stand for and mean to me and to others. There was another ending I had considered but honestly, it felt disingenuous to the rest of the story. This was never a fic about happily ever afters. It was about messy people navigating messy relationships. Sometimes it works out and they come out on top and sometimes it's just messy. 
> 
> Anyway, thank every single one of you so much for every comment, kudos, rec, and just for reading this silly-turned-serious thing at all. You guys are rockstars. I hope you stick around for the next wild ride, whatever it may be. 
> 
> Xo


End file.
